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Monologue Jokes – August 15, 2013
1. Former Illinois congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. was sentenced on Wednesday to 2 1/2 years in prison for misuse of campaign funds. But don’t worry Jesse, I’m pretty sure you can’t disgrace that name...
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Monologue Jokes – August 28, 2013
1. Yesterday, President Obama said he teared-up watching “the Butler,” a movie about an African-American man who served for 34 years at the White House during the civil rights movement. Paula Deen also...
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December 5, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Vice President Dick Cheney said Tuesday he was taken aback when his daughter Mary and her wife took to social media to rail against his other daughter Liz’s stance on same-sex marriage....
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January 15, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A couple in Oregon tipped their waitress with a bag of meth. I guess it was their subtle way of telling her that the service could have been quicker. 2. Police arrested a house guest of Justin...
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June 27, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. An 11-day search for a missing Michigan boy came to a bizarre conclusion Wednesday when he was discovered alive and well, hidden in the basement of his father’s Detroit home. “That’s bad parenting,...
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August 22, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Malaysian police have charged two people with the theft of $35,000 from the bank accounts of four passengers who went missing on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Or, as CNN reported it, “Breaking News...
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October 24, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, reality star Kim Kardashian said she wants her daughter North West to have a job. Isn’t that always the case, parents wanting their children to accomplish more than they did. 2. DNA from...
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December 5, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Navy is looking into who secretly filmed female officers of a submarine crew while they were showering and changing clothes aboard the boat’s unisex bathroom. Maybe ask the guy who keeps...
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December 12, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, Kim Kardashian said she gained weight during her pregnancy because God was punishing her for being so hot. Said God, “Dealing with Kanye should be punishment enough. You got...
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March 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Washington Post reported on Wednesday that two Secret Service agents crashed a government vehicle after leaving a party last week while possibly drunk. Which explains why the White House has...
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April 24, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Starbucks announced on Tuesday that it will open up a store in Ferguson, Missouri. As part of its grand opening, the store will run a promotion where any customer who orders a black coffee will be...
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July 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, Italian Cyclist Luca Paolini tested positive for cocaine following the fourth stage of the Tour de France. Officials became suspicious after Paolini finished those four stages...
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December 2, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Digital Chinese toymaker VTech said on Tuesday that the data of about 6.4 million children was exposed in a hack on their company last week. And that was just the kids who make the toys. 2. Starting...
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December 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, golfer Tiger Woods said he peaked when he was eleven. Begging the question, how much sex was eleven-year-old Tiger Woods having? 2. According to a new study, kids who take...
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March 17, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. During an interview Wednesday morning, Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump said if he’s not the party’s nominee he thinks there will be riots in the streets. Because a lot of times...
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May 3, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. California Republicans are upset that they are the only delegation coming in for the Republican National Convention in Cleveland who will be forced to stay in a hotel outside the city limits. Wait,...
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July 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gave a speech at a Pennsylvania recycling plant in front of a giant pile of trash. Said Chris Christie, “I’ve been called worse.” 2....
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January 13, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Peter R. Rose, a Brooklyn police captain, apologized for remarks he made contrasting date rape with “true stranger rapes,” which he called “the troubling ones.” Staking a strong claim for worst guy...
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February 2, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, President Trump is considering firing Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein. “I don’t like that sound of that,” said Steve Bannon upon hearing Rosenstein’s last name. 2....
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July 27, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. The London gospel choir that performed at the wedding of Britain’s Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, has signed a record deal with Sony Music. Not to be outdone, the Queen has signed with Death Row...
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